The time has come to: Blog, Blog and blog!

It must be months since I last wrote on this blog site of mine. I am sorry for myself that I haven't had the time to write and send out into the blogging stratosphere. It's been busy, no sorry it's been chaotic; with Jay away working for 7 months, me starting a course in editing at Tafe and the kids just being kids...CHAOS!

My views on life have changed the last couple of months. My views on people close to me have changed also. I have regained my sense of self; and I have also regained my sense of achievement and passion for something I have put off for so many years. I have begun writing again and I can feel a fire burning in my belly to produce more and more offspring in the form of stories. Oh what it is to be a student again and be absorbing all around me like a giant chux (sponge.)

Overall priorities have changed in my life recently, I have learnt to take myself seriously and to allow myself to have time to learn and grow; when I had previously thought I could not, I have and enjoyed every minute of it. If life was to be lived by ticking the boxes on my dream list then I think I have managed to tick at least a couple of these the last few months. In no particular order I have done the following- enrolled myself in a course at TAFE

Maintained steady and good grades

Started writing a novel

Read one of my pieces in front of a large crowd

Met others who enjoy this passion of writing also.

I have also made it through the long journey in which was ' Jay working away,' It lasted 7 months. I nearly went in sane; likewise so did Jay. The kids were also rattled and did not understand the complexities of adults adjustments and coping mechanisms. It was a strange fog that took us over and hung us in the balance of 'will we survive this?' We did, however, survive it and we are still trying to get back to normal. It is a strange situation to find yourself become so independent that when the time came to be a family unit again, it was awkward and like having a new person to get to know again. Everything is a blur from the last 7 months but there are good things that came of it. I am stronger than I thought myself to be, I can be alone if I have to; although I choose not to be, I have found an inner strength that I was not able to see before and most importantly I stayed strong and got through one of the hardest times of my life.

I don't see it fit to write about jay's side of the story but I can honestly say: he struggled the last couple of months, he gave up a habit he needed to give up long ago and now he is with me again whole minded and fresh. He is now adjusting to coming back to this strong woman he has not seen before, who scares him with her change. He looks at me with a view of intrigue and wonder at how my state of mind has changed. I no longer yell and shout when we disagree, I no longer run away, I no longer get hysterical and over emotional. He was scared at first when he saw this but now I think he may understand that for a long while my energy was zapped, there was no energy for fighting and heated words. I had just learnt to plod along and take a day at a time and use my energy resources wisely, after all, looking after 2 little boys, by yourself, can be both mentally and physically draining, and yes, at times rewarding. In a strange way I have found peace in myself or maybe I have had time to find myself.

So it's with this blog I say goodbye to that ghastly part of the 7 months and I take hold of all the good things it brought. I grasp those good things with both hand and I use them to continue on with a new mind set, a new outlook and most importantly a smile. All the while looking forward and not looking back as the past is the past and thats where it will stay.

What a difference an arvo makes!

It's amazing what an afternoon without my two rugrats has made. Jay was kind enough to take the kids to a BMX race. It was his gesture to give me some time out and for him to bond with our boys. I am completly grateful for this snippet of time I had to myself. So with the boys out the door, the music on (loud enough for me to sing along to), favourite oil in the burner and the wood fire on I went nuts with getting some felt work done!

The one thing I love about felt making is that you can just lay out your fleece and know that it may change shape, color and texture. Creating an interesting effect, a work of art most times. I love the mess...water everywhere, soap lathered up on the sink, the smell of the fleece and the pure earthly feel I get from using such an amazing medium.

So off I went making a few bits and bobs. I managed to use some of the great fleece that I bought from Mansfield. I wanted to see whether wet felting would be an option. It seems though after the effort it may be better for needle fleting. It was however very beautifully dyed and I did enjoy the fact that the uncarded fleece kept alot of it's curlyness. Great fun anymatter.

I was feeling quite rejuvinated and back to normal after the fun of being myself for just a little bit. It's all I get some days. It may just be a whiff of a minute or a half an hour stint while babys nap and his big brother is busy doing other things. I guess that's why being a mum is such a big job. It requires so much stamina sometimes and leaves you feeling weak and disorientated by the end of the day. Yes it is a great thing even though sometimes it is a marathon your just trying to get through. It is worth it. I keep telling myself that. It works, I just plod every day until I get to the weekend, then I feel a little more capable when I look back on the week that was!

It was however a family morning, Sunday. It began with a drive up the road on the hunt for some horse poo. Or as we like to call it "A Poo Run." It was to be a morning of poo and veggie garden plating. What I think is two great things to combine. Odd as it sounds, but if you have ever grown vegies and had the pleasure of harvesting what you have spent so much time tending to. Then you will know what I mean. It is a great kid friendly thing too. A bit of horse poo to build up the ammune system. A bit of dirt to fight off the over clean society we live in.

After a lot of back breaking shovelling of poo and turning over soil. We started to plant out this seasons crop. We planted garlic, peas, lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower and bok choy. Can't wait for the harvest. The kids had a ball in the mud and sunshine. It was a morning that made me feel so happy to have this great little family unit. It was good messy fun. Just what little boys love!

So Here We Are!

Well it's another week and I am pleased to say I am feeling a little more sane. Well as sane as you can be with 2 boys, a dog, a cat and a partner working their bum off in the mountains! It all seems to be falling into place, it feels that way anyway.

I have bought a car to replace the one that blew up. I think Jay and I have finally come to an agreement about what to do with the house. It looks like we will be renovating...then renting out to move out further. We both want to give the kids a bit more of a rural lifestyle. that was the lifestyle we both would have loved to have had. For me I savoured the school holidays spent with my Aunty in St Andrews, riding horses and collecting eggs from the chooks. For Jay it was all about Bendigo, visiting friends and riding motorbikes dinked by his Dad. It would be nice to give the kids the things we where so fond of.

So as soon as Jay gets back from the mundane task of building some rich person a house. We will start fixing up, ripping out, painting and moderning up our little abode. It will hopefully make someone happy who cant afford to buy and just wants to rent. We have a twelve month plan so lets see how we go.

Not much else to report other than what I have written. However I have been sewing lots. Awaiting an arrival of a great friends baby...how exciting. It's so nice to not be doing that baby thing again. I feel like soon I will be back on track to my life. I know that sounds selfish, but I need to have my stuff. You know the creative outlets, the time to myself and the chance to feel like me. It's nice to have those moments. Afterall I want my kids to grow up knowing the real me. Not the stepford wife version. More photos of my creative stuff next time!

Timing May be everything?

It may be true that timing is everything. However in my case, this last week feels like I am in some bizarre time wreck!It all started with my outburst/breakdown last Tuesday. I was a mess. Yelling, screaming, crying and generally going completely bananas. I had had enough of everything. Much to my disgust and annoyance, I was told that it was pathetic that I cant handle my partner being away for 4 months. I was told that people have husbands away at war so why cant I cope. My question is have you been alone with my boys for 5 days 24hrs a day?

So I thought to myself; bugger them all. I am not living in the 1950's where the wife was the home maker and never even had a whim of Independence. Why on earth would you even make this comment to someone who is suffering from lack of sleep, let alone on the edge?
The rest of the week dragged on until it was Thursday. I independently packed my car. Went food shopping. Wrangled my kids up and the dog. Got into the car and drove to Merrijig. It was time for a family weekend. To catch up on what it is actually like being in a family situation as it has been so non existent lately!
I was humming along the road and felt free for a minute, while the kids slept. I talked to the dog as the radio signal kept dropping out. After a couple of near misses with a truck and a dickhead in a pig rig (Ute made up to shoot things) I was there. I did darn good I thought to get all that way and still be in one piece. However the Suby had other ideas. It was making a whirr noise when we got there. I put that to the way side though and began to enjoy the high country life. And so the weekend began.

It was days of 4WD, swimming, walking, going to the pub and sight seeing. The kids had a ball. I had my first experience of driving the car up a bloody huge hill. (All the while I was shitting myself mind you.) It was fun packed and I even bought some lovely fleece to felt with. Definitely a fun weekend.

When it was time to leave on Monday morning, after the over indulgence of Easter eggs. We went to start the Suby. "Whirrr....GGGG..WRRRRRRR." Jay and I both looked at each other and said "OH SHIT!" Not completely sure whether the engine is ceased, but pretty sure. We decided to bite the bullet and get a new car. It was a sad day. Jay then had to drive us home and then commute back by himself to Merrijig......bugger!

All round I am now falling back into that crazy woman who came out last week as I am now car-less and waiting to see whether finance is available to us.(Bloody banks suck!) I am concerned as the accountant has taken 2 days to find out what we can do and I nee a car now! It means that I am now stuck at home with no transport available to me. I definetly wont we walking anywhere, typically when it rains it pours. Good excuse to get into some sewing and cooking. Oh dear dont tell me I am turning into the 1950's wife. Next I will be setting my hair in curlers and wearing a pink frilly apron...........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Oh, is it over aleardy?"

Yes, Yes it is already over. I am refering to the craft weekend I have just been on with some most awesome ladies! I had lots of fun as usual. Not too much craft done I my behalf as I had school stuff to do (thanks Sooz.) It was a weekend of relaxation and over consumption of food!( Thanks Maria!) But boy it was Good!

I managed to finish the pirate and have decided that after much thought that he is not going to wear boots as I like his stripey legs. Jaxon was wrapped when I came home and presented it to him. He has called it his "John Butler" pirate. Something to do with the dreads I suspect. Didn't have the heart to tell the poor kid that john has since cut them off! Anyway it appears after much discussion with a couple of girls away that I am now making a series of dolls. Kaya is getting a farmer version of the pirate next. Will try and make over the school holidays. keep you posted! We managed to get a walk in. However I will honestly think of Ocean Grove as the dog poo beach from now on. Very yucky when they have bags at the front of the beach for walkers to pick up the poo! It was a bit of a surf beach so I didn't go for a swim. Looked a bit rough but it was pretty from a far. I enjoyed standing on the board walk and watching the waves crash in loudly. Imust say that it also was lovely lying in bed with a sea breeze and the lovely background noise of the sea. We visited this great warehouse called KYO where some lovely japanese kimono material was purchased and some beautiful silk thread to embelish some felt work. i think we did o.k getting a bag of scraps for $10 and being able to find some lovely fabric to further this weekend projects. I am going to make myself a bag from one of the lovely prints.I can safely say now that I have a fabric addiction......I guess I have joined the club....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Now for the chocolate slice recipe. Here tis-

Chocolate slice

125g butter

1 tbsp golden syrup

1 cup of chopped dates

3/4 cup of brown sugar

1 egg beaten

250g choc biscuits

1/2 cup of sultanas and currants combined

Choc topping

150g dark chocolate chopped

30g copha

1) line a slice pan with grease proof pare. Melt butter and golden syrup in a saucepan. Stir in dired fruit and sugar and bring to the boil. Wait till cools and add egg. Stir well.

2)In a big bowl mix together remaining ingredients and add butter mixture. Put into slice pan, pressing down firmly. Chill in fridge for about 30 mins.

3) make icing mixture by melting dark chocoalte and copha in double boiler. Pour over slice mixture and set in fridge. Cut up into chunks to suit your chocolate craving. Yummo!

So yes the inevitable has happened. I am back home. jay is at work in Marijig and the kids are as wild as ever. Thank god for weekend like this to look forward to again! Thank you for all the fun we had ladies and thank you for your crafting abilities that inspire me every time! I am letting out a giant sigh now as I jump back into reality and the 39 degree heat!

Looking Forward to some R&R!

It has been a long week. With the long weekend being so busy and things looming over our heads.

Yes things were looming, no wait they were pushing down on us so hard that we were scared shit less. What I am referring to is a melanoma that Jay had removed from his back. It was small but had a funny raised head on it and had been bleeding. So while on a visit for a chest infection that had lasted 3 weeks (that's another story) it was removed for further examination. We had to wait from Friday till Wednesday for results. It was a sickening wait with Jay feeling very vulnerable and scared. I was worried out of my mind. It was so horrible to feel helpless. Jay has been away the last two days working so I had to give all my support via phone. Not fun believe me! Anyway much to our relief today Jay rang the Dr and everything is fine. Boy did we both sigh quite loudly. We both feeling alot better now we know he is o.k!

The long weekend was great we spent Saturday at Moomba which I always thought was so much bigger than it was. I am glad we only stayed a while due to the heat as the prices of rides were ludicrous! Jax insisted on having a go at the clown game. You know the one, it always results in a crappy plastic toy in the end. Jax and I also went on this caterpillar rollercoaster which he thought was great. He tried to rope Jay into it but of course he was too tall so it was up to mum!

The other fun thing we did was get the kids minded over night so we could go to "A day on the green" which featured Clare Bowditch, Lior and John Butler. It was all about having a picnic and a great time watching some great bands. We went with a couple of friends. Although it was a hot day we indulged in a bit of wine, a mud fight and some dancing. Great day! I also had the pleasure of meeting Lior, lovely man is all I can say. This weekend looks to be a busy one again. Going away on a craft weekend to Ocean Grove. Woo Hoo! Great company, great food, great massage and great crafty delights! I am hoping to work on the pirate I have been making for Jax. Hopefully get some felting done and some home work too. As I said a busy weekend. 2 more sleeps and counting!

Nuno Felt!

Something I decided to try this week. It has been hot, great felting weather!!!!

I decided that I would give nuno felt a whirl. What it is basically is when you use fleece as well as another fine open weave fabric such as silk or cotton. I had a brown scarf that was quite delicate looking so I used that.

I will however give full instructions next post when I take photos from beginning to end. Here however is a great photo to show you what a brilliant affect that the scarf and well selected colors have.Next post I will have a go at making a long scarf, something to add to an outfit to jazz it up a bit.