It must be months since I last wrote on this blog site of mine. I am sorry for myself that I haven't had the time to write and send out into the blogging stratosphere. It's been busy, no sorry it's been chaotic; with Jay away working for 7 months, me starting a course in editing at Tafe and the kids just being kids...CHAOS!
My views on life have changed the last couple of months. My views on people close to me have changed also. I have regained my sense of self; and I have also regained my sense of achievement and passion for something I have put off for so many years. I have begun writing again and I can feel a fire burning in my belly to produce more and more offspring in the form of stories. Oh what it is to be a student again and be absorbing all around me like a giant chux (sponge.)
Overall priorities have changed in my life recently, I have learnt to take myself seriously and to allow myself to have time to learn and grow; when I had previously thought I could not, I have and enjoyed every minute of it. If life was to be lived by ticking the boxes on my dream list then I think I have managed to tick at least a couple of these the last few months. In no particular order I have done the following- enrolled myself in a course at TAFE
Maintained steady and good grades
Started writing a novel
Read one of my pieces in front of a large crowd
Met others who enjoy this passion of writing also.
I have also made it through the long journey in which was ' Jay working away,' It lasted 7 months. I nearly went in sane; likewise so did Jay. The kids were also rattled and did not understand the complexities of adults adjustments and coping mechanisms. It was a strange fog that took us over and hung us in the balance of 'will we survive this?' We did, however, survive it and we are still trying to get back to normal. It is a strange situation to find yourself become so independent that when the time came to be a family unit again, it was awkward and like having a new person to get to know again. Everything is a blur from the last 7 months but there are good things that came of it. I am stronger than I thought myself to be, I can be alone if I have to; although I choose not to be, I have found an inner strength that I was not able to see before and most importantly I stayed strong and got through one of the hardest times of my life.
I don't see it fit to write about jay's side of the story but I can honestly say: he struggled the last couple of months, he gave up a habit he needed to give up long ago and now he is with me again whole minded and fresh. He is now adjusting to coming back to this strong woman he has not seen before, who scares him with her change. He looks at me with a view of intrigue and wonder at how my state of mind has changed. I no longer yell and shout when we disagree, I no longer run away, I no longer get hysterical and over emotional. He was scared at first when he saw this but now I think he may understand that for a long while my energy was zapped, there was no energy for fighting and heated words. I had just learnt to plod along and take a day at a time and use my energy resources wisely, after all, looking after 2 little boys, by yourself, can be both mentally and physically draining, and yes, at times rewarding. In a strange way I have found peace in myself or maybe I have had time to find myself.
So it's with this blog I say goodbye to that ghastly part of the 7 months and I take hold of all the good things it brought. I grasp those good things with both hand and I use them to continue on with a new mind set, a new outlook and most importantly a smile. All the while looking forward and not looking back as the past is the past and thats where it will stay.
